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hasmuchtolearn

This is Obi-Wan Kenobi. Leave your message.

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From:

lothal

I really think it might help you, to start letting go. Allowing yourself to be knighted means allowing yourself to accept the trials you've faced.

My master struggled with that, since he was technically a padawan when he took me on as his apprentice. I say technically because... Ultimately the ceremony's just a ceremony, isn't it? It's nice, but it doesn't suddenly make you more of a knight.

I think it's obvious neither of us are still padawans. Not at this point.

From:

hasmuchtolearn

[Theres a long silence on Obi-Wan’s end. He thinks he could dispute that actually. He felt like he hadn’t been behaving like a knight recently, or a Jedi at all.

But… he did need to let go. He needed to move on. And not just for his sake either.]

Maybe you’re right.

From:

lothal

You know, I haven't spoken this much Basic in years, but I thiiiiink that might be the phrase I've missed hearing the most. Hopefully a lot more of it to follow.

From:

hasmuchtolearn

[A snort.]

So much for Jedi humility?

Where were you that you didn’t speak basic? And couldn’t shave?

Edited Date: 2023-11-11 03:58 am (UTC)

From:

lothal

[He shrugs! He's already an unusual Jedi in a million other ways.]

Another galaxy. Not like this, though, but one connected to ours. I've been- had been stranded there for about a decade now. That's, uh, what the younger me has to look forward to if he returns.

From:

hasmuchtolearn

Oh… that’s.

[He’s not sure what to say about that. Another galaxy?]

How?

From:

lothal

Purrgil? It was to save my planet. I managed to get all of the Imperials into one place, and then I asked the purrgil to jump to hyperspace and take us with them. I had to be on the Star Destroyer for it to work, though.

But it did. Work, I mean!

From:

hasmuchtolearn

I know the other Ezra said he was taken far away but… that’s not what I expected.

So you got there, but you couldn’t get back?

From:

lothal

Apparently, his memories stop before we actually land. He doesn’t know anything about Peridea, which has been my entire life these past few years.

But yeah, all the ships were badly damaged, and besides navigating from one galaxy to another isn’t exactly easy. I’ve thought about asking the purrgil, but they migrate too frequently. The ones that do stay… they stay forever. The planet’s the last stop on their life’s journey.

I’d only been found recently. I thought I’d be going home soon. Finally.

[And then he ended up here.]

From:

hasmuchtolearn

… And then you came here.

[Finishing that thought for him.]

I’m sorry. That’s a long time to be away from everything that you’ve known.

From:

lothal

It’s okay.

[It’s not, of course, but he’ll deal with it. It would almost be easier if he were pulled from before Sabine arrived. He’d probably be excited about all this then.]

I mean, you’re dealing with your own stuff, right? I’m sure everyone is. And regardless, I chose this for myself. It’s not something I regret.

From:

hasmuchtolearn

[Theres silence for a few moments, but eventually he speaks up again with conviction.]

No… it’s not okay.

It’s not any more okay than being brought here just after my master passed into the Force. Or that the entire Jedi Order will be gone in a few years. From my perspective at least.

I’ve been struggling with all of this myself far too much, and your other self helped me realize that I needed support. We all need that. And… we’re Jedi. You, me, the other Ezra. We’re the only ones here that really understand each other.

From:

lothal

Are we?

I worry about us, all of us, getting caught up in the past. Of what the Order was. Of what we were.

[He drops his serious cryptic Jedi Master attitude with a shrug as he continues, though]

Either way, I'm just getting used to being around people. It's overwhelming right now, but it'd be the same back home. I'll settle in eventually.

From:

hasmuchtolearn

[Again there’s a long silence as Obi-Wan struggles with how to take that.]

That past is all I’ve ever known… and loved.

From:

lothal

Do you remember your parents?

[It probably seems like a non-sequitur, but he's getting to something here.]

From:

hasmuchtolearn

Somewhat? Just very brief memories, glimpses really.

I was only three years old.

[His voice is hesitant. He’s not sure he likes where this is going.]

From:

lothal

When you left for the temple, that was all you had ever known.

I was seven when my parents were taken away And when I met my new family, part of me felt like I was betraying them. Like... if I loved these people, it meant I hadn't really loved my parents. Or I couldn't love my new family because there's no way I'd ever love them as much as my real family. So, what was the point of trying?

I couldn't get back what I lost. And I was afraid to get close to others again because I knew that meant someday, I'd lose them too.

In the end, I lost my parents and my master to the Empire. My biggest fears, fully realized. Still, I don't regret caring for them and I wouldn't give up the time we spent together, even if it meant I could get rid of the pain. And you know... my master had a son. I haven't met him yet, but I already know I'll love him.

Death, life. The Force. It becomes easier to see the cycle as you get older.

From:

hasmuchtolearn

[He listens and while he appreciates Ezra sharing a bit of himself and his experiences. Obi-Wan is a bit uncertain.]

So what are you trying to say?

From:

lothal

You have to be open to the future. At one point, your past was your future. And you were scared and uncertain of the things that now seem second nature and an undeniable part of you.

We can't be open if we keep trying to act like nothing's changed, though.

From:

hasmuchtolearn

[Obi-Wan feels himself tense up. He finds himself in a weird state. A part of him wanting to get defensive, and yet he knew he shouldn’t. He was conflicted.]

That’s just it. I wasn’t scared. I wanted to go to the temple. The Order is my family, and I have no regrets.

Things haven’t changed from the point I came from. Aside from my master being killed.

All I know is what everyone here has told me. And being open to the the thought of my entire family, my people, our culture, getting snuffed out is a lot to ask.

From:

lothal

Your future has already changed because you're here. But since I know we've gone over that before, I won't dwell on that point.

To say that the Jedi no longer exist in the future is to say that I don't exist.

Unless you'd like to take back claiming me as a fellow Jedi. You can, I doubt I count as one if you start considering all the rules.

From:

hasmuchtolearn

I wasn’t going to, but I get the feeling you don’t want to be that kind of Jedi anyway.

From:

lothal

I want to be the kind of Jedi my master was and wanted me to be, the Jedi he saw in me when I couldn't see it for myself.

But I'm going to have to do that here. Just like you. I can't worry about whether or not I'll be the one to rebuild the Order when I get back home. And you can't worry about whether or not it'll need rebuilding.

Well, we can, but it won't be very productive. Or healthy, probably. Take it from a guy who was trapped in another galaxy for years who went over every possibility.

From:

hasmuchtolearn

So do I.

And I almost abandoned all of it here because I didn’t think I deserved it. Because I let down not only my master, but everyone.

Now I realize that it’s not my fault. And I want to be the Jedi I’m supposed to be. What that means here, I still haven’t figured out. I have no illusions of rebuilding anything here. I just want to live the way I had been taught to the best of my ability. To honor my master and my family as best I can.

From:

lothal

Guess we're the same then.

[Honestly, Ezra had just wanted to get away from the conversation where he was the one who needed support. He'll keep hiding his feelings a while longer, even if he's repeating all the future stuff for himself more than Obi-Wan.]

You really should change up your hair, though.