hasmuchtolearn | Folkmore IC Inbox

When you left for the temple, that was all you had ever known.

I was seven when my parents were taken away And when I met my new family, part of me felt like I was betraying them. Like... if I loved these people, it meant I hadn't really loved my parents. Or I couldn't love my new family because there's no way I'd ever love them as much as my real family. So, what was the point of trying?

I couldn't get back what I lost. And I was afraid to get close to others again because I knew that meant someday, I'd lose them too.

In the end, I lost my parents and my master to the Empire. My biggest fears, fully realized. Still, I don't regret caring for them and I wouldn't give up the time we spent together, even if it meant I could get rid of the pain. And you know... my master had a son. I haven't met him yet, but I already know I'll love him.

Death, life. The Force. It becomes easier to see the cycle as you get older.

[He listens and while he appreciates Ezra sharing a bit of himself and his experiences. Obi-Wan is a bit uncertain.]

So what are you trying to say?

You have to be open to the future. At one point, your past was your future. And you were scared and uncertain of the things that now seem second nature and an undeniable part of you.

We can't be open if we keep trying to act like nothing's changed, though.

[Obi-Wan feels himself tense up. He finds himself in a weird state. A part of him wanting to get defensive, and yet he knew he shouldn’t. He was conflicted.]

That’s just it. I wasn’t scared. I wanted to go to the temple. The Order is my family, and I have no regrets.

Things haven’t changed from the point I came from. Aside from my master being killed.

All I know is what everyone here has told me. And being open to the the thought of my entire family, my people, our culture, getting snuffed out is a lot to ask.

Your future has already changed because you're here. But since I know we've gone over that before, I won't dwell on that point.

To say that the Jedi no longer exist in the future is to say that I don't exist.

Unless you'd like to take back claiming me as a fellow Jedi. You can, I doubt I count as one if you start considering all the rules.

I wasn’t going to, but I get the feeling you don’t want to be that kind of Jedi anyway.

I want to be the kind of Jedi my master was and wanted me to be, the Jedi he saw in me when I couldn't see it for myself.

But I'm going to have to do that here. Just like you. I can't worry about whether or not I'll be the one to rebuild the Order when I get back home. And you can't worry about whether or not it'll need rebuilding.

Well, we can, but it won't be very productive. Or healthy, probably. Take it from a guy who was trapped in another galaxy for years who went over every possibility.

So do I.

And I almost abandoned all of it here because I didn’t think I deserved it. Because I let down not only my master, but everyone.

Now I realize that it’s not my fault. And I want to be the Jedi I’m supposed to be. What that means here, I still haven’t figured out. I have no illusions of rebuilding anything here. I just want to live the way I had been taught to the best of my ability. To honor my master and my family as best I can.

Guess we're the same then.

[Honestly, Ezra had just wanted to get away from the conversation where he was the one who needed support. He'll keep hiding his feelings a while longer, even if he's repeating all the future stuff for himself more than Obi-Wan.]

You really should change up your hair, though.

[Thats not a good way to make friends Ezra! He was trying to reach out! Now he feels a bit crestfallen.

Obi-Wan just sighs.]

We’ll see.

[Hes not much in a joking mood anymore.]

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